no, he came in my armpit
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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