I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
