Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
