Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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