You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
