I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So squirting runs in the family.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
