Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
