before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
