haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
