how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
