When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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