God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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