OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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