Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
