so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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