she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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