im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
