sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
