Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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