thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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