i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
