I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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