my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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