i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
