dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
