I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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