Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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