that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
