So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
