I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
