Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
