So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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