I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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