Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
