i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He shit in the fireplace
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
