So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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