i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
