I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
