Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
