WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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