I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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