I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
