I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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