And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
