I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
