Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Text me some of your sweat
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