wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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