ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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