He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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