All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Porn is love you can see.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
