dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
