well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
