I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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