Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
