We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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