Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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