Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
