Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.