I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.