It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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