dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.