Texts From Last Night

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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.

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  (985): Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with. http://tfl.nu/8rek
  Replies (43) Good night (4954) Bad night (1001)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (7220) Bad night (745)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.

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  (224): U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/6777
  Replies (57) Good night (922) Bad night (3982)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.

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  (703): She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all. http://tfl.nu/qt2o
  Replies (13) Good night (5180) Bad night (1123)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3475) Bad night (1457)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?

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  (602): Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now? http://tfl.nu/lkox
  Replies (9) Good night (5617) Bad night (944)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE

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  (267): WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE http://tfl.nu/lgwx
  Replies (7) Good night (1103) Bad night (619)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.

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  (412): He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it. http://tfl.nu/j347
  Replies (7) Good night (3142) Bad night (752)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor

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  (580): There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/zpbq
  Replies (6) Good night (939) Bad night (1386)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.

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  (832): I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me. http://tfl.nu/6e6y
  Replies (2) Good night (606) Bad night (988)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.

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  (706): I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos. http://tfl.nu/xv9s
  Replies (9) Good night (995) Bad night (500)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

  (1-315): View more from New York

  This is why I love you...

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  (315): Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack (1-315): This is why I love you... http://tfl.nu/jq03
  Replies (5) Good night (986) Bad night (317)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.

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  (702): I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs. http://tfl.nu/2t39
  Replies (6) Good night (802) Bad night (455)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of

  (212): View more from New York

  fuck you.

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  (615): well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of (212): fuck you. http://tfl.nu/d4hh
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (774)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY

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  (404): If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY http://tfl.nu/j5tj
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (377)

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