I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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